


Steven Reads The Comments On His Unfamiliar Familiar Fanfic

by AzureAceStarburst7



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 10:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8246012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureAceStarburst7/pseuds/AzureAceStarburst7
Summary: Turns out the fandom is very... modern.Good thing Connie is there with a better idea in case things go south!





	

"Alright, are you ready to see how much they love me?" Steven said happily as he looked at the comments on the fanfic he had worked really hard on.

"Wait, you wrote an Unfamiliar Familiar fanfic? Wait!" Connie yelled, but it was too late.

"Yeah, I wrote a sequel where they fight a five-eyed man that kidnapped Lisa's dad. Ok, the first comment says... Your depiction of Archimicarus is... offensive?" Steven wondered, and then gasped, tears welling up in his eyes. "Kill yourself, you worthless pile of shit?"

"Why doesn't Archimicarus become a brown person? The book never said what race Archimicarus becomes, so he's obviously a proud person of color. Why do you hate brown people?" Steven read, confused. "I don't hate anyone!"

He began to reply. "I only made him white so he'd look more like Lisa! I don't hate brown people!"

"'Brown people'? OMG, you racist piece of shit!" Steven read the reply. 

Garnet suddenly showed up and punched the computer. "Fuck humanity." Garnet said quietly.

"Steven, look at me." Connie said, grabbing his head as he started to cry. "Everything they said about you is wrong. These are horrible people, all of them, and they're why I NEVER take my love for the series online, and why you shouldn't either. The fandom isn't safe for kids, or for anyone, not when social justice whiners are running around bullying people into suicide over imagined 'Microaggression's."

"But... I worked really hard on that fanfic!" Steven said sadly.

"Yes, and your haters didn't work really hard on reading it. They're the type of loser that gets triggered by fanfiction, Steven. They probably couldn't finish it before the animalistic urge to lash out grew too strong."

"But... what can we do now?" Steven asked. "I like Unfamiliar Familiar!"

"But the fandom doesn't like us. But that's ok, because there are always other, better fandoms." Connie said, looking online. "We've got JayJay's Crazy Train, Our Cute Unicorns, Five Nights In Animatronia, Agents of F.I.E.L.D. - Wait, actually, they've got a small SJW infection, steer clear of anything involving Ford and the Frank-Furter shipping, - and the Spiny The Rabbit fandom. You know, it's kinda funny... Everyone used to complain about the Spiny fandom so much, then it turns out the Unfamiliar Fandom is so terrible, it makes them look good. Then again, they're just a big group of people arguing over which game is better, anyone can look like saints when you compare them to the people that make LoafyIsHome fans look sane."

"Does Crying Breakfast Friends have a fandom?" Steven wondered.

Connie frowned. "Once. Then it got a SJW infection so big that it died. Forever. Unfortunately, a lot of mentally-diseased losers projected onto the show instead of getting the therapy they need. The end."

"That's a terrible story!" Steven said sadly.

"If you want to see terrible stories, there's always Alexandra Storm and The Techniques of Logos." Connie said, and giggled at the memory of reading it for herself. She brought it up, and showed him. "You've heard of My Chemist's Romcom, you've heard of Fourty Qs, you've heard of Cupholders, but get ready for something even worse than those, and with NONE of the 'It could be a parody or written by kids' excuse! Behold, over a hundred thousand words of self-insert Mary Sue fanfiction written by an egomaniacal moron that thinks he's the smartest thing in the universe because his delusional fanboys say so!"

Steven gasped. "We should do a MST3K of that!"

"That sounds fun, but I'm not sure what my mom would think of it... We'll have to do it in writing." Connie decided.

"Or in costumes!" Steven realized. "I could wear my Tiger Millionaire costume again! I wonder if it still fits!"

"Garnet, do you want to join in the fun?" Steven asked.

"...Yyyyes." Garnet said uncertainly, her Future Vision showing her nothing helpful.

"Yes!" Steven yelled. "Story for Steven, mark 2!"

"Or... Magical Space Theatre Seven Thousand!" Connie suggested.

"That's even cooler!" Steven said happily.

**Author's Note:**

> Why do people say "In case things go south", anyway? What are they referring to, Mexico/Spain? You'd think in light of recent events, it would change to "In case things go east".
> 
> Anyway, if you want to see Steven and friends tackle that fanfic, say so in the comments below.


End file.
